Following the massively successful launch of our Greenwashing KitemarkTM last year we’ve seen a tidal wave of greenwashing, from both established experts and some exciting new entrants.
We’ve listened to the market and people are telling us that while the KitemarkTM provides a beacon of where to head for the ultimate badge of eco bullshit, it can still be tough to do the legwork of creating truly misleading copy.
We hear you!
You need a tool that makes life easier.
Of course, here at Terrafiniti R&D we like a challenge (especially if it doesn’t look like too much effort) so this year we are proud to launch our Greenwashing Copy CreatorTM.
How does it work? It’s simple because we are – and so are you.
Simply pick a phrase from each column to generate the vital ingredients for your copy.
Top Tips
1. Hyper selectivity
Get granular. Use laser-like focus to zero in on something small that sounds or looks good – it will make a great headline!
Great examples include sustainable raw materials, bamboo is always a good one to start with (even if you need to treat it with large quantities of extremely toxic chemicals you can just keep quiet about that bit).
Another way to do it is to spend most of your advertising budget on the 1% of things that you do that are relatively less bad (and ignore the 99% of your business that fuels accelerated planetary destruction).
2. Truth efficiency
Efficiency is always good – in fact it’s almost certainly eco-friendly, isn’t it?
Don’t bother with knotty problems in your supply chain (like child labour, water use in drought areas, or toxics in manufacturing) just get efficient and talk about what sounds good.
3. Reality reversal (be bold)
If you’re thinking that this is all a bit small time, and want to get much more ambitious, then it’s time to bring out the big guns. This great tip is to go big or go home with reality reversal.
Reality is so out of fashion these days, so why not turn the tables on it?
For example, if you’re one of the biggest plastic polluters in the world you can simply claim that your plastic bottle products help the environment – genius!
Try wheeling out your CEO to say trite things at international climate and nature conferences that bear no relationship to the decisions that they make on a day-to-day basis. However, (this is important) do remember to hide the financial donations put into secret lobbying for reduced environmental regulation and the cosy conversations they have with senior politicians.
4. Lean on me
Sometimes the old ways are the best ways. Find yourself a nice cosy charity partner. Team up, use their name and logo and seek out opportunities for some nice fluffy press coverage. Something nice will rub off on you too, won’t it?
If you read nothing else – read this
Finally, if you are still finding it all a bit too complicated, just remember UTI – the three vital principles for good greenwashing. Make sure that any message that you put out into the market is:
- Unclear
- Trite
- Inaccurate
Remember, if you have UTI, you will get, impact, persistence and pain – and that’s exactly what your sales division is always looking for!
FUQs **
Q: I’m feeling creative – can I go off-piste?
A: If you are an expert then yes – but remember if you don’t use one of our carefully curated words then there’s a risk you might not produce genuine greenwash™ and it may harm your chances of certification.
Q: Your Greenwashing Copy CreatorTM only gives me a few words to play with, do I have to actually do some work to join it all up?
A: Yes – we not doing everything for you, we’re consultants, not your parents. However, we can do it all for you at, what we are sure you will agree, is a hugely unreasonable fee. But just ask yourself this – what’s the cost if I get it wrong, and can’t produce the pure, unadulterated greenwash that the world needs so badly right now?
* Satire Alert – we really recommend that you don’t greenwash (it’s bad and can get you into trouble)
** Frequently Unanswered Questions
Greenwashing – turning up the heat on green claims
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